The End or A New Beginning?

The clichéd title of this post may reflect a whole variety of things about my life, my career and my marriage, but mainly it reflects this blog. For all of the elements a new beginning is accurate, but the blog, it may be the end. I don't know yet, but I wanted something out there to explain my silence, other than "yet another sex and relationship blog bites the dust." So, where am I?

1) The 101 Things To Do List is coming along brilliantly. I came out to a group of people, collected another qualification, got my professional website set-up, went to a three-star Michelin restaurant and more. If I get a chance I'll update the list.

2) Hubby has a dominant streak a mile wide. Seriously, it's amazing. He has learnt to enjoy the domestic dominance and controlling me with just a look or a subtle change in tone in his voice. It adds another very strong bond to our relationship and a sexual frisson that wasn't there before. Not to mention, he really likes metal and controlling my orgasms, the latter is awesome - the former is terrifying (in a good way of course). It makes me sad how much amazing sex he (and I) missed out on, but hapy he is finally finding it AND WITH ME! Yey!

So, if this is great and there are some positive things to explore in this blog, why could this be my last post? There are three reasons:

1) I was getting addicted to the blogging world. While I don't see a problem with this, I am an oversharer and need to control the natural honesty policy I have. I generally confess everything (to give you an idea, I broke a washing machine in a rented house 20 years ago, I still feel guilty because I never owned up). I don't like not sharing my actions, thoughts, and dreams with people. It feels icky. The very close bereavement I had, followed by a health scare that started two days after my Knife Play post and lasted a whole month, gave me a chance to kill the addiction and not spill out the secrets of everyone I know.

2) I met someone (in case you've forgotten, I am polyamorous, hubby is monogamous, complex emotional dramas ensue). This guy is charming, funny, attractive, clever, and sexy. I was trying to work out how to be friends with him, while negotiating my (and his) desires, hubby's nervousness, and this new guy's personal situation - a closed relationship. I point blank refuse to "go there" because I believe I have a moral responsibility to someone I have never met (and boy, does that put Paul in perspective, I only blamed myself for that situation and defended his innocence - nonsense!). Playing with boundaries like that is complex. I wrote so many blogs about the friendship (which is ongoing), but this is the first I have posted about it because I have not asked his permission to share his story. I don't know if I have the right.

3) Mainly though, this may be the end because of hubby. Something VERY, VERY major has happened to his health. It limits what he - what we - can do in our daily lives and it will do, to varying degrees, forever. His health is his story to tell, but without sharing it more I would be limited in what sexy times I could write about because it effects that too. Maybe in the future the blog can change and talk specifically about that, but not now.

If you reached the end of this post, whoop whoop, go you! If you have ever commented on any of my posts, thank you with bells whistles and plenty of spanks. You really made a big difference to mine and hubby's life. I am sorry to be leaving and hope to be back someday.

All the best,

Emily

PS How could this post go ahead without being part of a meme? No way! Clickety Click

Knife Play

My husband is somewhat obsessed with knives, well anything sharp really. He has professional sharpening equipment. He even makes his own tools, as well as buying crappy old ones to fix up. A few days ago I was cooking when he spanked me with a knife.* This is dangerous! Very dangerous! And seriously sexy. He also caressed my breasts with the sharp edge of the knife. I was actually stirring the dinner on the hot gas stove while that was happening and I can tell you I was shitting myself. I felt so submissive, both tiny and a giant at the same time. It was beautiful.

The moment itself happened suddenly, and this is what made it for me. Hubby was inspired and inspiring. Magical! In honour of that glorious, dangerous, intense experience we made this photograph just for Sinful Sunday, but in this one the danger has left so I am wearing just a bra to make up for it. And, yes, this is the same knife he used to spank me. It makes me shudder just to think about it.

 

* Seriously, if hubby were not so expert at wielding sharp implements, no way would I have tolerated the experience. Not so much "Safe, Sane and Consensual" much more of the "Risk Aware Consensual Kink"

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This post was made and written for Sinful Sunday, where you can find lots of really sexy images. Clickety click

Tasks

For next week I have been given two tasks, both given to me by hubby with a Dominant voice I cannot describe. They are (1) to sort out the plastic bags, and (2) to take the paper to be recycled. Both jobs need doing, but are really crappy jobs I would never do without being told to. Hubby has also given me the task of making lists as part of my "101 Things in 1001 Days" chain link time management project. This is an added impetus I sorely need.

They are not erotic tasks, they are ordinary household duties and yet being given them gives me a sense of calm and peace and belonging I really cannot describe.

Of course, sometimes tasks are erotic. Yesterday I was given one totally out of the blue. A dress was thrown at me, I was told to wear it with tights and later I would have to take off my tights, suck hubby’s cock and then straddle him on the sofa and fuck him as he desired. The only thing is, when it came to the end of the day and taking off my tights, I was so excited I forgot the order of the tasks. Hubby forced me down and spanked me until I remembered. I was in that very odd space where I didn’t know whether I wanted to carry on being spanked or whether I should drag my memory banks and stop the punishment: the need to be submissive won and I remembered the instructions. Hubby then used and abused me until we both screamed. My heart sang for it and I am still feeling blissful today.

End Note:
While writing this, hubby called me with more tasks! I had to eat porridge, go pick up my medicines, buy sausages (I really don’t understand that one...), read an article, and report back to him. Amazing stuff! Must finish the tasks now!

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This post was published as part of Wicked Wednesday, clickety click for more interesting treats.

New Phone!

As part of my project "101 Things in 1001 Days" I had to get a new phone. Well, I did. It has a camera! I've never had a phone with a camera. I'm still not quite sure how to use it, but I did manage to take this while on a work trip. If you're wondering what the pink thing is, it is my phone case - a baby sock. 

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This post was made for Sinful Sunday, clickety click for other saucy photos of various shades of naughtiness.

Vaginal Juices

The last couple of days I keep getting whiffs of my vaginal juices and they smell good. Not just fresh or pleasant, but good. I keep putting my hands down my pants and sniffing my fingers, when I have taken my panties off I have put them right up to my face and taken a deep breath. But why?

Not, why do I do that, but why does it smell so good? It doesn't normally smell so desirable, but it is right now. Even as I write this I keep sniffing and tasting my fingers.

My vaginal juices smell and feel different throughout the month, pretty much as regular as clockwork. This is how it goes:

1) Smelly and sludgy, a tangy sweet smell, not particularly pleasant, this is the phase where I get crusty knickers, gross (I hate this phase!)
2) Menstruation
3) Not much discharge, what there is has a gentle delicate smell
4) Tonnes and tonnes and tonnes of clear discharge, no smell at all
5) Not much discharge, what there is has a gentle delicate smell

I'm in the fifth phase right now, so why is it so lovely and smelly, even tasty, at the moment? To be honest, it isn't just the current smell that has changed, but the last couple of months my whole pattern of vaginal juices has been thrown out of whack.

I wonder if this is stress or diet or age or changes in my sex life? It could be any or all of these features and this is both fascinating and frustrating.

Getting accurate information about anything to do with vaginas is nightmarish, doctors rarely take those of us who own them seriously. They attribute everything to "hormones" without ever doing tests. If I look at the internet the smelly, sludgy discharge is thrush, although why it should miraculously vanish and reappear at the same time every month is a bit beyond me.* Just about the only certainty is that the clear discharge that pours out by the bucketload is my time of ovulation. Of course, knowing that doesn't help explain why things should change and when it needs to get checked out by professionals.

I am "one" with my bodily functions and can pretty much work out when something is wrong and when I need to get it fixed (to the point that I have justly sought out second opinions when Drs have fobbed me off), but what about other persons with vaginas? How many of them keep as much track of their juices as I do? How many know what they should taste like at any given point? How many know what they should feel like between their fingers? How many only ever see them dried inside their panties? I hope not many, but I fear a great number.

Those of us with vaginas need to embrace our discharge, and perhaps we should also stop being afraid to talk about them. I can count the number of conversations I have had about vaginal discharge on one hand, although not for want of trying. Perhaps sex manuals and sex blogs and other sources of information should start to include more detail about vaginal juices. After all, they are an essential part of our health check....and they can taste amazing!



*In case you are worried, it isn't thrush, I've had that and know the difference, but the web tells me otherwise...

Phone Sex

Who doesn’t love phone sex? Having to get off through the power of thought, listening, conversation and whatever skills your hand/s can muster. I once fell off a chair having an orgasm because the phone was attached to the wall and couldn’t move. It was great. Of course, that is the downside to phone sex – technicalities.

Technicalities have been the reason why my husband, Nic, and I have not in our 12ish years together had phone sex – not even once (well that and the lack of sexual compatibility, but that is an old story). That is until two nights ago. Hubby is away on holiday while I am at home trying to work. We both have phones, we can afford the calls, we are in practical time zones, and we both have privacy – all requirements for sex over the phone.  

And how delicious our sex was. Nic told me all the things he would do to me, the way he would control my body and force it to do what he wanted. He steered the conversation where he wanted. He dominated our fantasy, he made it his and I submitted to it, willingly. Two years ago he didn’t even fantasize when wanking (no joke, for the life of me I don't know how that is possible), now his fantasies are about guiding me and controlling me. Together we have opened up a whole new world of possibilities as a result. It is wonderful.

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This post was written for Wicked Wednesday (yes, I know it’s Thursday, be off with you pedant). Clickety click for other wicked things.

In The Eye Of The Beholder

This photo was taken in January before life through me some lemons. When I look at it I don't remember what was happening. Was I being confident and funny? Was hubby taking the photo? Was I? Was it during sex? Was it for Sinful Sunday? I don't remember.

Looking at it now, while I am slowly learning how to make lemonade again, it looks like I am hiding my breast and my body from the camera. It does not look full of joy and positivity. It does not look like the photo of a woman who loves her breasts, and yet I do. I truly do.

Perhaps in another month or so I will look again at this photo and see it as being filled with happiness, excitement and confidence, rather than confused sadness.

 



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This post was made for Sinful Sunday, clickety click for more lovely images.