The End or A New Beginning?

The clichéd title of this post may reflect a whole variety of things about my life, my career and my marriage, but mainly it reflects this blog. For all of the elements a new beginning is accurate, but the blog, it may be the end. I don't know yet, but I wanted something out there to explain my silence, other than "yet another sex and relationship blog bites the dust." So, where am I?

1) The 101 Things To Do List is coming along brilliantly. I came out to a group of people, collected another qualification, got my professional website set-up, went to a three-star Michelin restaurant and more. If I get a chance I'll update the list.

2) Hubby has a dominant streak a mile wide. Seriously, it's amazing. He has learnt to enjoy the domestic dominance and controlling me with just a look or a subtle change in tone in his voice. It adds another very strong bond to our relationship and a sexual frisson that wasn't there before. Not to mention, he really likes metal and controlling my orgasms, the latter is awesome - the former is terrifying (in a good way of course). It makes me sad how much amazing sex he (and I) missed out on, but hapy he is finally finding it AND WITH ME! Yey!

So, if this is great and there are some positive things to explore in this blog, why could this be my last post? There are three reasons:

1) I was getting addicted to the blogging world. While I don't see a problem with this, I am an oversharer and need to control the natural honesty policy I have. I generally confess everything (to give you an idea, I broke a washing machine in a rented house 20 years ago, I still feel guilty because I never owned up). I don't like not sharing my actions, thoughts, and dreams with people. It feels icky. The very close bereavement I had, followed by a health scare that started two days after my Knife Play post and lasted a whole month, gave me a chance to kill the addiction and not spill out the secrets of everyone I know.

2) I met someone (in case you've forgotten, I am polyamorous, hubby is monogamous, complex emotional dramas ensue). This guy is charming, funny, attractive, clever, and sexy. I was trying to work out how to be friends with him, while negotiating my (and his) desires, hubby's nervousness, and this new guy's personal situation - a closed relationship. I point blank refuse to "go there" because I believe I have a moral responsibility to someone I have never met (and boy, does that put Paul in perspective, I only blamed myself for that situation and defended his innocence - nonsense!). Playing with boundaries like that is complex. I wrote so many blogs about the friendship (which is ongoing), but this is the first I have posted about it because I have not asked his permission to share his story. I don't know if I have the right.

3) Mainly though, this may be the end because of hubby. Something VERY, VERY major has happened to his health. It limits what he - what we - can do in our daily lives and it will do, to varying degrees, forever. His health is his story to tell, but without sharing it more I would be limited in what sexy times I could write about because it effects that too. Maybe in the future the blog can change and talk specifically about that, but not now.

If you reached the end of this post, whoop whoop, go you! If you have ever commented on any of my posts, thank you with bells whistles and plenty of spanks. You really made a big difference to mine and hubby's life. I am sorry to be leaving and hope to be back someday.

All the best,

Emily

PS How could this post go ahead without being part of a meme? No way! Clickety Click

Knife Play

My husband is somewhat obsessed with knives, well anything sharp really. He has professional sharpening equipment. He even makes his own tools, as well as buying crappy old ones to fix up. A few days ago I was cooking when he spanked me with a knife.* This is dangerous! Very dangerous! And seriously sexy. He also caressed my breasts with the sharp edge of the knife. I was actually stirring the dinner on the hot gas stove while that was happening and I can tell you I was shitting myself. I felt so submissive, both tiny and a giant at the same time. It was beautiful.

The moment itself happened suddenly, and this is what made it for me. Hubby was inspired and inspiring. Magical! In honour of that glorious, dangerous, intense experience we made this photograph just for Sinful Sunday, but in this one the danger has left so I am wearing just a bra to make up for it. And, yes, this is the same knife he used to spank me. It makes me shudder just to think about it.

 

* Seriously, if hubby were not so expert at wielding sharp implements, no way would I have tolerated the experience. Not so much "Safe, Sane and Consensual" much more of the "Risk Aware Consensual Kink"

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This post was made and written for Sinful Sunday, where you can find lots of really sexy images. Clickety click

Tasks

For next week I have been given two tasks, both given to me by hubby with a Dominant voice I cannot describe. They are (1) to sort out the plastic bags, and (2) to take the paper to be recycled. Both jobs need doing, but are really crappy jobs I would never do without being told to. Hubby has also given me the task of making lists as part of my "101 Things in 1001 Days" chain link time management project. This is an added impetus I sorely need.

They are not erotic tasks, they are ordinary household duties and yet being given them gives me a sense of calm and peace and belonging I really cannot describe.

Of course, sometimes tasks are erotic. Yesterday I was given one totally out of the blue. A dress was thrown at me, I was told to wear it with tights and later I would have to take off my tights, suck hubby’s cock and then straddle him on the sofa and fuck him as he desired. The only thing is, when it came to the end of the day and taking off my tights, I was so excited I forgot the order of the tasks. Hubby forced me down and spanked me until I remembered. I was in that very odd space where I didn’t know whether I wanted to carry on being spanked or whether I should drag my memory banks and stop the punishment: the need to be submissive won and I remembered the instructions. Hubby then used and abused me until we both screamed. My heart sang for it and I am still feeling blissful today.

End Note:
While writing this, hubby called me with more tasks! I had to eat porridge, go pick up my medicines, buy sausages (I really don’t understand that one...), read an article, and report back to him. Amazing stuff! Must finish the tasks now!

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This post was published as part of Wicked Wednesday, clickety click for more interesting treats.

Phone Sex

Who doesn’t love phone sex? Having to get off through the power of thought, listening, conversation and whatever skills your hand/s can muster. I once fell off a chair having an orgasm because the phone was attached to the wall and couldn’t move. It was great. Of course, that is the downside to phone sex – technicalities.

Technicalities have been the reason why my husband, Nic, and I have not in our 12ish years together had phone sex – not even once (well that and the lack of sexual compatibility, but that is an old story). That is until two nights ago. Hubby is away on holiday while I am at home trying to work. We both have phones, we can afford the calls, we are in practical time zones, and we both have privacy – all requirements for sex over the phone.  

And how delicious our sex was. Nic told me all the things he would do to me, the way he would control my body and force it to do what he wanted. He steered the conversation where he wanted. He dominated our fantasy, he made it his and I submitted to it, willingly. Two years ago he didn’t even fantasize when wanking (no joke, for the life of me I don't know how that is possible), now his fantasies are about guiding me and controlling me. Together we have opened up a whole new world of possibilities as a result. It is wonderful.

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This post was written for Wicked Wednesday (yes, I know it’s Thursday, be off with you pedant). Clickety click for other wicked things.

"Hang up my shirts naked"

A few weeks ago I wrote a letter to my husband. I asked him to be my Sir during a period of intense grief. The letter made him sad because he wasn't inspired to be dominant while grieving and helping me through my grief. Then a number of other things happened (including another bereavement) and suddenly one day this week I received an email from hubby while he was at work (I work from home - bonus!).

"Put my shirts in the washing machine, turn it on. While in the laundry room, hit your thighs with your brush till you come, then go and do whatever you like. When the washing is done, hang up my shirts naked."

My reaction was beyond excitement! I followed the instructions, obviously. I managed to give myself some nice bruises, but hitting myself wasn't enough to make me come so I helped it along by masturbating with a large plastic cooking spoon with a long, thick handle. It was incredible, not least because the laundry room is tiny - barely enough space for the washing machine and one person. It made the whole experience that much more awesome.

One thing though, hanging up damp shirts when naked is jolly bloody cold!

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This post was made for Sinful Sunday (hoorah, I'm back!). Clickety click for more sexy pics.

Letter to My Husband

Although this is a letter to my husband, it is posted here because I thought it might be interesting or valuable for others to read.

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Dear Husband,

The last few weeks have been very difficult for us both. I want to thank you for all of your help and patience. As always, you are amazing and I love you.

Last night we spoke about sex, at least I did, I chose my timing badly. Because of that, I thought I would write down what I need right now. I thought it might be easier for you to read it in your own time. To read it over and over again if you need.

I cannot have romantic, slow, gentle lovemaking at the moment. My mind and my body cannot deal with it. At the moment, while I am grieving I need other things.

I need for you to force me. When I bite or scratch or grab or push you down, I need for you to use whatever force necessary to get me to stop, to make me feel like I am yours. I need to be able to let go and try to attack you, so that I feel you are forcing me. I wouldn't actually do anything dangerous, but I need to feel the resistance in my body and my mind.

I need for you to give me instructions and commands. I need you to tell me to wash the kitchen floor on my hands and knees, naked. I need for you to tell me I have to do things by a certain time and to report back to you. I need to feel like I am yours to do with as you will.

I need to be punished by you if I fail my tasks. I need to believe that you will punish me. To believe that, I may even fail to complete a task, so that I feel your punishment (whatever form that takes is irrelevant). When I feel that I will know to complete future tasks, because you have told me to.

I need you to command me in bed, to tell me what to do. I need to hear your voice. If you don't want to speak, command me to speak or  to do something instead. I crave your voice and your thoughts.

Before our loss, you were showing signs of natural Dominance. You seemed to love it and find it deeply arousing. At the moment that is hidden. I don't know if that is because you are grieving and need slow lovemaking or because you are scared of upsetting me or hurting me at this time. I hope it is the latter, because I need this. I need to be submissive to you, not to anyone else, to you. At this time, more than any other, I need to be submissive for my husband, for the man I love. I need to be owned by you.

I am not asking you to do things that would gross you out. I am not asking for you to fuck me hard up the arse, or to piss on me, or shit on me, or any of the other things I desire. I am only asking you to do things you have done before, but I would like them and I would like them with more aggression and force than has been between us before. 

I promise I will not let you go too far.

I promise I will let you know if you are pushing a little too hard.

I promise I will not let you do anything that is too much for you to bear.

I am asking for you to trust me as I trust you.

Please, be my Sir, if just for a little while.

All my love,

Your wife

I love it when she holds my cock

Last week hubby and I took a few photos to show off my new nail polish. We liked different ones, so I asked him if he would write this week's post. I've asked him to contribute before and he always said no, but not this time. Imagine my surprise when this is what I got from him, complete with his choice of photo and even formatting! I am a very lucky girl, thank you Nic!

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I love it when she holds my cock 

Sometimes she grabs it,
Sometimes she rubs it,
Sometimes she just holds it in her fist. 

 

I trust her to treat it well,
I let her do with it what she wants.
I force it into her mouth,
I rub it across her face,
And deny her its pleasure. 


But I love it when she holds my cock.
Just don't tell her how much I do,
Or it might just get to her head.




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This post was selected as part of this week's Sinful Sunday weekly round-up by guest reviewers Jack and Jill, to see more sexy piccies clickety click...

Understanding Sex and Emotions in Relationships (Part Two)

In the first part of this blog post I talked about the three kinds of love I most easily recognize in my relationship history: Philia, a loving friendship; Eros, a passionate love; Agape, Companionate Love. Even here, however, it isn’t that simple because a relationship may include two of these with or without sex. To explain myself a little clearer what follows is a result of my self-reflection, particularly for the benefit of understanding my polyamorous feelings. 

Of course, all but a few of these are “in hindsight” and as such, they are clouded by events long-since past and all manner of other fuzzy influences on the mind! 

Another thing, it is worth noting that of the following relationships, not all of them would still interest me, especially the first two… 

• Casual sex - one night stands
• Friends With Benefits - ongoing physically sexually intimate relationships with people I care about and want to spend time with because I like them as people but not with a strong emotional connection
• Philia With Benefits - friends I have physical relationships with and whom I love as friends but not necessarily as a partner (“to date”). In my experience this is extraordinarily hard for people to understand. I wonder if I would be able to do this again, it is hard to explain to someone the differences between loves and when sex is added into the mix things get messy irrespective of whether or not I have been honest about my love for the person. The person I shared my virginity with was a friend like this. We dated for two years, I broke his heart.
• Philia Without Benefits - friends I love deeply but do not want to “date” or have sex with. This is a truly astounding sort of friendship, and in my personal history very rare. I can probably name only five like this. Friends whom I truly love but have never shared any physical connection. This is perhaps because when I meet a person I always consider them sexually before anything else, almost subconsciously. I have since I was a teenager. In a future blog I will try to explain it.
• Eros Without Benefits – people with whom I have wanted to be physically intimate and “date,” yet for some reason it could not or did not happen.
• Eros With Benefits - To be honest, with me this is the kind of relationship that tends to be governed by New Relationship Energy and never lasts more than three months. It is something I learnt to control a long time ago and now I no longer suffer this kind of situation. They are enormous fun but also emotionally draining and an easy way to get yourself into difficult situations. Alas, I find this the easiest sort of love and relationship to come by.
• Eros and Philia With Benefits – Other than my husband, the two longest relationships I have had have had this, although with one of them the Eros fizzled out quite quickly. The other lasted almost the entire five years of our relationship (the second longest, other than with my husband). When the Eros left it didn’t take long for us to break up. We have been close friends ever since – for almost fifteen years now! So close in fact that the penultimate sort of loving relationship I will describe I share with him.
• Agape and Philia Without Benefits - I've had this twice. One I just mentioned and one with a man I deeply adore but with whom I can never have a relationship in the traditional sense, much to both of our sorrow (he is a married vicar…).
• Agape and Philia With Benefits – I have this with my husband Nic. I have only ever had it with him. Magically, in the last few months Eros has been developing between us. Something I find truly exceptional after ten years together (we met almost eleven years ago to the day). I hope in the coming months I will be able to add “Agape and Philia and Eros With Benefits.” Either way, Agape is the hardest of loves to find and it is a special thing to share it with my husband. I am extraordinarily lucky.

 

So, this has been long-winded and I doubt anybody made it this far (gold star if you did!). But, it has been a useful exercise and that is what self-reflection is for. Before I go, I want to say:

• Just because I do not have Philia for a person, does not mean that I am not friends with a person.
• Just because I do not have Eros for a person, does not mean that I do not want to fuck them.
• Just because I do not have Agape for a person, does not mean that I do not enjoy hanging out watching DVDs with them.

Love and friendship and sex is a many wondrous and complicated thing!

 

Sunrise

I had a seriously sexy season!

On Christmas day hubby and I had sex in the morning and again at night (the first time my Crimbo has been this exciting!), not bad considering how many family members were in the house at the same time. It seems hubby has a fetish for silencing me, which nicely complements my fetish for getting overheard.

I ran around the garden naked in the rain while hubby watched safely from inside.

One night we slept in separate rooms because I was poorly (his mum insisted, don't ask), so we wanked while sending each other filthy text messages.

Hubby took total control of my orgasms telling me when I could and couldn't orgasm (he enjoyed this a little too much I think... *does the dance of nervous joy*). He "forced" me to masturbate so often I can't tell you, my fave was when he straddled my naked body while he was fully clothed with just his cock out. It dripped over me while I was masturbating and I was forbidden from touching him. He kept smearing his juices over my face and breasts and legs and tummy. He made me beg to taste his juices, but he still denied me his cock. Only after he had let me have a clitoral orgasm was I permitted to touch his cock, and only then so I could sit on it. I wasn't allowed to wash any of the jism off even though we were staying with his family. Fucking sexy!

When we got home after the holidays hubby fucked me while I had a dildo up my arse. It was the first time we have ever done that and he LOVED it!

We also took a whole load of pics. This is me watching the sunrise while we spent a couple of days away from our families in a lovely cottage in the middle of some mountains. May 2013 be this beautiful and so full of sex!

(PS The thing I am wearing is the inspiration for the outfit mentioned in this story)

(PPS I always get hubby to read my Sinful Sunday posts and approve the pic. He read this and said "reading that made me a bit aroused, when you put it down like that, we did all that, that's really sexy." HELL FUCKING YEAH!!!!!!!! Now, time for some more sex...byeeeeee)

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Edit: This photo was chosen as one of the five in Molly's weekly round-up along with Mollena, That Position, Beck, and Curvaceous Dee.
This post was written for the first Sinful Sunday of 2013, and as it is the first I'd like to thank Molly for all her hard work in coordinating it! Clickety click for more sexy images!

Hubby’s Sexual Moments of 2012

Over at one of my favorite wank-inspiring blogs, Girl on the Net wrote a blog post based on her primary partner’s favorite sexual moments of 2012. While her blog is largely about the sex, with occasional political rants, and mine is an emotional exploration involving sex, the idea was a grand one. Mostly it works for me because, as regular readers know, my own primary partner, my hubby, has been going through major developments of his own this year.

 

While walking round the garden of hubby's parent's house, he merrily told me his two specific sexual highlights. The first was also one of mine and I’ve already written it up here! It is a heartwarming tale of a couple finally meeting in sexual bliss together after a long, hard ten years of borderline abstinence. 

 

The second experience happened back in June while we were on holiday, so we were very relaxed. But it was also before I was due to go off and have my first in-person playtime with James (my first poly-partner while with hubby) and so emotions were very high. We were deeply emotionally connected in a way we had never been, and also under enormous pressure. It was a heady mix within which to play…

 

My pubes were in one of their gigantic bush phases (take a peek at my Cunt Pride post to see what I mean), and needed a prune. Out came hubby with the magic hair removal cream. We were in a tiny room. Normally a tiny room is less than fun, but when a six foot tall bloke has to squish in a teeny weeny space between the bed and the wall to get to your cunt, things get a little more interesting. There is something about having your most intimate parts stared at for ages by the person you love while your feet are slammed against the wall above his head and you can’t move because acidic cream will get everywhere. While he was applying it and timing it and scraping it away with a deliciously hard piece of plastic, I got wetter and wetter and wetter. Hubby occasionally tortured me with a finger, placed just at the entrance to my cunt. By the time my bush was nice and neat, the bed was sopping wet and I was climbing up the walls, ready to beg, scream and cry for anything.

 

Unlucky for me, hubby isn’t a fan of giving oral sex (no matter how little hair I have), but on this occasion he craved it and drank my juices until I was screaming the happily detached house down. His cock was so wet and hard that there was no way he wasn’t going to fuck me. While trapped between the bed and the wall he pulled my body off the bed and slid my cunt straight onto his cock. He fucked me with passion, love, and enthusiasm. It was astounding, and we were both emotionally and physically drained afterwards. A wonderful kind of sex. Hubby chose this experience above the others in 2012 because he loved being so close to my vagina (his word), he loved me giving control to him (*does the dance of joy*), and the intimacy between us (magical).

 

To be fair, this is indicative of the main thing that has come out of 2012 for both of us: understanding and embracing our sexual needs and desires as individuals and as a couple. It has led to hubby uncovering his own sexuality and welcoming his dominant side. It has been about recognizing that sexuality is important to our emotional world. It has been a wonderful journey and it is one we will continue to explore in 2013.

 

Here is wishing all of us a sexually and emotionally liberated 2013!

 

Emily

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This post was written for the first Wicked Wednesday of 2013! Hello everyone, especially the coordinator of the Meme Marie Rebelle

#Sad Sunday

One of my favorite things at the moment is Sinful Sunday. Many of you know it is a weekly meme where (sex) bloggers post a sexy photo or five. It is a lovely, confidence-building, empowering group. Bloggers comment on each other's posts and build a community. It is a happy experience.

Today's post is, for me, a sad one. Last week hubby vetoed a photo because there was a little glimpse of a nipple. I finally felt confident enough to show it (it was mostly hidden within a candy bra), but he didn't want me to.

This week I made a lovely, lovely post. It showed nothing I haven't shown before. But, I was fully dressed. Hubby was worried that if anyone who knows me saw the post, they would recognize me. I understand this, I really do. But it saddens me because I am not ashamed of who I am. I do not want to be in the "closet." I am because he wants and needs us to be. I understand that too. It is hard though. It is tiring. It makes me feel like I am something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I truly, truly understand his viewpoint, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

It is not easy when you are with someone who has very different sexualities to yourself.

This is still Sinful Sunday, so have a somewhat anachronistic photo of my cleavage.

Edit: I should add that hubby and I have chatted about it. We are excellent communicators. But part of that communication is openly accepting how we feel. We all have to take responsibility for our own feelings and actions. My husband for his, and I mine. We both accept that we need to accept and acknowledge the feelings of each other, and we are both able to do this. Although, perhaps ironically, that also makes us sad because we do not like to see each other suffer. We are a strong couple with an enormous divide between us, one that is continually being pushed and challenged. It is tiring and exhausting for both of us.



For happier posts, pop over to Sinful Sunday to see some really sexy and daring photos.

Bloghop: My Mind's Murky Murkdom

I was asked by the wonderful, intelligent, oh so sexy Flexibeast to join in the bloghop experience. It is a way to interview yourself on a topic of your choosing. Here is her "Bloghop" post, it is amusing and entertaining (but also, when you read between the lines, sad and poignant). It is a satire about becoming a woman for the fifth column of patriarchy. Please follow her on Twitter, she is a hoot!

So, here are my questions.

Most importantly: what is your favorite color?
PURPLE!!!!

Why did you start the blog?

The last session Nic and I had with our sex/poly/relationship therapist was a real eye-opener. The therapist made us realize that we don’t have to deal with our situation in the same way. I kept trying to get Nic to read blogs, books, and articles. I wanted him to come to meetings and join a community. None of that helped him; in fact, it made things worse. What we agreed was that we each need to live our lives in the way we want and it is only our joint lives where we need to work together. Thus, he spends time with monogamous, fairly heteronormative people; and I spend time with a whole variety of queer folk. One of the things I realized was that I also needed a kinky network. I needed to find a way to think about, write about, and explore my kinky side within the framework of my polyamory. This blog has been astounding for that!

Why the pseudonym Emily Daniel?

When I was in my last D/s relationship, Sir thought it a good idea that we use alternative names to try to distance ourselves when roleplaying. I thought it a ridiculous idea, and so it proved to be. The names we tried to use were Emily and Daniel (for reasons I will not share). They are also the names of a couple on the TV show Revenge. It is a show hubby and I watch religiously together. I like symmetry in life, and this seemed like a lovely form.

How would your blog and Twitter followers react if they knew your offline identity, specifically what work you do?
It would vary dramatically. Some would be amused, others fascinated, but others might be horrified. I am a professional person, largely self-employed, and I work for Not-For-Profit agencies.

How many people in your offline world know the blog?

My husband (Nic), our therapist, my former Sir (James or the "Daniel" in my pseudonym), and a very good friend (let’s call him Dan, who I hope will write a guest blog for me one day. He is a great chap and very interesting!). One female friend knows about the blog, we met first and at some stage decided to exchange offline identities too. Fabby sexy lady, but her identity would out both of us! Additionally, one person knows that I have a blog but does not have any of the details.

How would people in your offline world react to the blog, particularly its contents?

Again, the responses would vary. Friends who know me very well might be slightly embarrassed but wouldn’t be shocked. My in-laws would be disgusted and horrified and may well suggest my husband divorce me. My family would be grossed out, but not at all surprised. My professional colleagues would vary between black-listing me from employment, disgust, amusement, and indifference. Some of them might even find a new respect for me. I have often been called a “prude.” By all accounts I give off an innocent vibe until people get to know me.

Do you want to come-out?

The short answer is absolutely! If it were just me, I would scream my identity from the rooftops and join campaign groups (I’m big on community activities!), but this blog is about my husband and other persons I know. That would be terribly unfair on them, most especially my husband. At some point we might get found out, some unpleasant person may decide to out me for kicks. If/when that happens we will deal with the fallout. In the meantime I am increasingly telling people that I like women, am kinky, and so on. It takes time, patience, and resilience to deal with their reactions.

If you could make money from sex would you want to and if so, how?

I would quite like to write about sex and get paid for it, but there is little money in such an endeavor. There is, however, something I have been thinking seriously about for a while. I have been considering becoming a sex therapist. Having experienced appalling and astounding therapists, I would like to give something back. There needs to be more understanding sex-positive therapists who are accepting of diversity. Over the years many people have suggested I become a therapist, but it is only since my own positive experiences of therapy have I thought about it. This is something I shall consider over the next year or two. It would, however, require complete acceptance from my husband, especially as I would actively wish to work with people who have alternative relationship structures and who do not fit within Gayle Rubin's Charmed Circle. This requires more of an open lifestyle policy than we currently have.

Anything else you would like to add?
I am currently writing a short story/novella/novel (I will see where the muse takes me) about a priest and a young male criminal. Oh, how I love my Priest!kink (that exclamation mark, right there, is deliberate and part of a specific language tied to a very specific community. If you understand it, you will find out my main hobby in the whole wide world).

Now I pass the baton to Clive at Clive Journeys Into Kink. I love Clive, really, I have a (now not at all) secret crush. His posts are humorous, irreverant, and usually include willies and panties. "Willy Hunt" is one of my favorite posts of his. And, this is his Bloghop post "Not to be Published." As expected, it is FANTASTIC, and all about pink panties.

Why No Sex? I Want Sex!

I’ve been silent for weeks now, not only metaphorically with my blog voice, but also literally with my sex voice. Hubby came home from his fortnight away two weeks ago. Surely, when he came home we had lots of sex, right? Wrong. We had bugger all.

Two and more years ago I would have sulked and moaned and eventually shouted at him, or possibly cried silently into my pillow (I did that most of all). I would have believed it was all his fault and that I was being punished for having led a full sex life before meeting him. Now I am wiser.

We didn’t have sex for lots of reasons, and you know what? Not hubby’s fault!

Blood, so, I have a fetish for blood-play. But, that does not stretch to menstrual blood. To have sex during my period I have to plan it. I have to put down towels and have condoms and all sorts of things. When Nic came back from his trip, I had just started menstruating (four days early, BOOOOO!). Nic never propositions me when I am on my period. I used to blame him for this, but now I see it is because I have issues and he is being kind.

Work, it was insane. I’m not talking 9-5, or even the 9-8 scary business folk often do. No, I’ve been work between 12 and 16 hours a day, 7 days a week for the last month. It has been the brainchild of Satan’s petulant youngest child, trying to show off to daddy. Seriously, it has been that bad. How could I blame hubby on that? Once I would have.

Sickness, hubby had a cold. When I have a cold I get insanely horny. I used to blame hubby for not feeling horny when he was sick. How is that fair?

When sex is bad, everything becomes clouded in that. It is impossible to separate logic and reason from feelings of pain and anxiety. I wanted sex, I never got sex, and a cycle of misery and recriminations developed. Thankfully things are changing, and because Nic and I have been building our sexual bridges (and, oh, what magnificent bridges they are), it has been easier for me to look at my negative thoughts calmly and to recreate them in positive ways. Now I see this period of two weeks abstinence as a chance to explore how far we have come. I’m moaning about two weeks? It wasn’t so very long ago we didn’t have sex for two years!

Hubby was away again this weekend. Monday he came home and Monday night, he discovered new things.

 

He made me lie on my front, with my bum lifted in the air a little. He spanked it, he bit it (damned hard I might add! Bite bruises!), and he shoved a butt plug up my arse. He also decided, for reasons I can’t fathom, to spank my cunt with the back of his hand. I could hear him wanking above me as he was slapping me. It felt amazing and, of course, I orgasmed like that. The whole time I was wearing my very unsexy red pajama top (it is freezing in my world). When he told me that he was going to come over my back I asked him if I should get naked. He very forcefully said “No!”  His juices shot all the way along my back and into my hair.

Have a strange photo of a streak of my husband's orgasm from my bum to to neck, with just a tiny hint of one of the bite marks. Cheekily cropped as always, nothing too saucy to see on this blog.

This post met the prompt #want for Wicked Wednesday. Please take a look to find a whole range of real life stories, philosophy, sex ed, photos, and all kinds of erotic goodies.

Submitting to my Husband

I started writing this post yesterday morning and it was very organic in its writing.

The original post was just this paragraph and photograph:

I was going to write a very long post about how this image came about and what my husband did to me while he made me stand against the wall in a little black negligee. Instead I got distracted by my husband deciding to put his cock in my mouth while I was sitting on the sofa with friends in the next room. Hell yeah! I don't know how it's happening, but I'm loving this side of my husband coming to the fore.

 

The second version of this post was an addition of this paragraph:

After I inserted the photo I noticed the faintest hint of a bruise caused by a caning (by my former partner) back in June. Unless you knew it was there you would never be able to tell and I imagine most people would still not spot it [hint: bottom right corner]. I had to zoom in just to be sure.

This addition somehow seemed wrong though, because I'm all about my husband's dominance at the moment. But something happened to enable this error to be fixed and the final version of the post came about:

Yesterday afternoon I did a very "bottom" thing, rather than a "subby" thing; I asked hubby to spank me while our visitors were out of the house for an hour. He didn't act like a top, he acted like a Dom. He stood in the kitchen, took out a wooden spoon and beckoned me. He physically forced my head down onto the counter, and he forced my legs apart. He pulled down my jeans and knickers and he spanked me with the spoon. He masturbated me and squeezed my nipples until I was very close to orgasm. He then told me to get dressed because it would be sexy to know how turned on I was. Last time he spanked me and gave me a bruise he was very uncomfortable and had bad dreams, this time he didn't! Last night we went to bed and he looked at his handywork and took photos of a bruise he caused. He then told me to straddle him and masturbate myself. He squeezed my nipples, twisted them and told me to lean back while he held them so I stretched my own nipples. After I came he fucked me. This is the bruise that broke his phobia of "hurting" me! It might be delicate, it might not be the result of a hard spanking, but Oh!My!God! it is beautiful because my vanilla husband did it.

For other people's pictures clickety click below.



The Dom is Waking Up

Yesterday my hubby was working from home for the day. He got up and worked in the dining room and I lounged about in bed with my laptop. The next thing I know is that he is sending me an email telling me to squeeze my nipple. We have a little exchange of emails where he tells me that he wants to hear me orgasm. After getting me wet and excited he finally sent me this:

          lie on your back, with your knees up and your legs apart
          rub your clitoris with one hand
          finger your ass with the other hand.
          slap your inner thigh from time to time to get more aroused
          alternate between slapping and fingering your ass until you orgasm

I followed his commands and when he heard me screaming he came into the bedroom, straddled my naked body, and wanked over me. His juices landed everywhere from my cunt to my hair.

The loving Dominant in my husband seems to be waking up and I couldn't be happier. There is so much exciting promise in the air!

Personal Polyamory Manifesto

Yesterday's post was about bringing closure to my first official Poly relationship. I received many wonderful comments from readers. But one, by Stella's Kink, highlighted the significance of the experience for me as a poly person. Stella's Kink wrote:

"A tough situation to be in, but one you will surely learn from and look back on with fondness as you remember your first partner in your poly marriage. Regardless the pain it initially caused, it is an experience you will be the better for having. <>"

This inspired me to postpone my "Vaginal Orgasm" post and publish this, my "Personal Polyamory Manifesto". I wrote it during one of my darker periods within that first relationship. It helped me realize what I wanted from a poly relationship. It has been helpful to remember. Of course, it is something to strive for and not something to stick to rigidly, but by striving for it I can keep myself, my husband and my other partner/s safe.

The point of being poly is, for me, freedom to be able to follow my heart and, to an extent, explore my kinks in a safe space. It is not about deliberately finding sexual partners or deliberately looking for someone else, but about being able to embrace possibilities and be myself. I hope that comes across in my manifesto.

I Want
To be happy
For my loved ones to be happy
Not to have casual, random sex
Strong emotional bonds and friendships
Open, honest, direct, and explicit communication using “I” statements
To be free to love whom I love, how I want to love them
For my husband and my “partner/s” to feel safe
To feel safe
The opportunity to love and fulfill the needs of my " partner /s"
There to be an opportunity for my " partner /s" to become part of my family, if we all wish it
For my husband and my “partner /s” to become acquainted
Mutual respect
To be emotionally, physically, spiritually fulfilled
For my partner/s to be emotionally, physically, spiritually fulfilled
The opportunity for my “partner/s” to be involved in my life and to know my family and friends
I want ground rules

Ground Rules
Be honest to yourself
Be honest to everyone involved
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
My husband and I will continue to live together and share our love, lives, and finances
Going out with others will be planned and scheduled
I don't want to know the details of a sexual experience, but I would want to know if one occurred, I would give the same respect
Practice safer sex
If a relationship ends it is not to be because it has been “vetoed.” If a relationship ends it should be because the relationship has run its natural course
Try to meet the “partner/s” of my partner/s
Keep everyone informed, discuss, and communicate changes in relationship situations and feelings
Be aware of and cautious of New Relationship Energy, do not make hasty judgments based on it

I am new to the life of polyamory and my manifesto will no doubt change as I change, but for now I think this works.

Cunt Pride

Last week’s blog posts were full of feelings of Kink Shame, so this week I thought I’d recondition my brain with some positive pride.

I love my boobs, my legs, my bum, my pussy. I don’t like calling my genitalia my “pussy” though, because let’s face it, I’m not a cat. Nope, I like calling my genitalia my “cunt.” I love the word “cunt.” It feels nice to say in the mouth. It shocks people. It is empowering. But how do I like to look after my cunt?

First off, I don’t wash it with anything but water. Literally, nothing! My cunt produces lots of lovely natural juices and washing that away with soap seems bloody ridiculous to me.

I do love to play with my cunt though, so everyday I squish it and smoosh it and tug it and finger it and do all kinds of lovely things. Even if I’m not trying to make myself orgasm I like to do this, because it feels nice. It is also sensible to do this for health reasons. If something is wrong down there I want to know about it!

What about the hair? I like my cunt to be all bushy and hairy. I love the hairs to grow everywhere, to spread down my thighs and along the crack of my bum. I love to tug my hair and twirl it round my fingers for comfort, sexual pleasure, boredom relief, anything really.

But, at some point the hair gets too long and too bushy and when I masturbate the hair creates friction on my fingers and starts twisting. It becomes harder to play with my clitoris. It gets caught up in my menstrual blood. Generally, it just gets in the way, so then I trim it.

But, sometimes, that isn’t enough. Sometimes I decide I want all but a little of my hair to be removed (I never go bald). This is where hubby comes in. I don’t like sharp objects going near my cunt. I refuse to try waxing (I love wax play, but waxing for “beauty” reasons? *brain explodes*). But I love the cold sensation of hair removal cream, followed by the harsh scrapes from the plastic hair remover. I especially love it because hubby does it for me. Having him stare intently at my cunt is incredibly intimate. It makes me feel very connected to him, but also vulnerable and aroused. I get so wet I literally drip. It always results in truly mind-boggling sex. And that sex is always focused exclusively around pleasuring, no ... worshipping, my cunt. My cunt is a wonderful part of me and deserves to be worshipped. This religion has a very strict selection policy though and it is by invitation only. Perhaps one day you may get to peek behind the curtain. 

To see other people's cunts, go and have a peek at the "Pussy Pride Project"