There are lots of discussions online about what counts as sex, including a number of academic papers and handy summaries of such papers, including “11 SexualActivities That People Don't Count As 'Having Sex.'” This is a summary of a paper done by the Kinsey Institute and Indiana University.
The researchers questioned 486 adults aged 18 to 96 from Indiana and most of them were heterosexual. They were asked whether they considered certain activities to be having sex. Not one single item they were asked was agreed upon by everybody. Here are some of those things, with my own experiences noted.
1. Penis-vagina sex (with no condom, with both male and female orgasm). I really can’t remember how many unsheathed men I have shagged, about five I’m guessing.
2. Just the tip (apparently also known as halvsies, I found this fab post about them). I don’t think I have had halvsies with anyone I wasn’t actually fucking and deliberately tormenting (or being tormented) with a bit of cock.
3. Penis-vagina sex with a condom. I have had more than ten and fewer than twenty. I am actually very fussy about men and their cocks!
4. Penis-vagina sex, with no female orgasm. Two men fall under this category, one is an unpleasant story for another day.
5. Penis-vagina sex, with no male orgasm. All guys I have been with have ejaculated.
6. Anal sex, with a condom. Unfortunately, fewer than ten (it always amazes me how hard it is to find guys who want to fuck my arse. It is an acquired taste it would seem, anal sex rather than my arse I would hope.)
7. Anal sex (no caveats). The same as above, but more to the point, I have had anal sex with no condom with three or four guys.
8. Receiving oral sex. No women have licked me, I am clearly doing something wrong there. I honestly don’t remember how many guys have devoured me.
9. Performing oral sex. I have enjoyed a couple of women and more men than I will ever be able to remember.
10. Receiving manual stimulation. I have experienced this from a few women but many more men than I can remember, let alone name.
11. Performing manual stimulation. As above.
What this doesn’t show is whether or not masturbation in the company of another person counts as sex, or using toys, or genital-to-genital contact, or orgasms through spankings, or other non-genital stimulation. If we count other kinds of experiences than penis-in-vagina, I just do not know how many guys there have been. I tried counting but I gave up when I kept remembering odd nights here and there fumbling around with groups of friends. I got to 40 before I threw in the towel at a complete loss.
Next time you discuss with someone how many people you have had sex with, (for health, relationship or fun), you may want to remember that you may have entirely different definitions of sex.
----This was posted for Wicked Wednesday, clickety click for more sex-related discussions and some erotic stories.