I’m Heteroflexible

A reader of my blog emailed me to tell me I appear “aggressively heterosexual.” This traumatized me. I do not want to be seen as aggressively anything, especially when I do not feel heterosexual, nor do I identify as such. My primary sexual identities are polyamorous and kinky, neither of which focus on the gender of my partner. My gender related sexuality is not pansexual, lesbian, bisexual or heterosexual. I am heteroflexible.

According to the great bastion of knowledge known as Wikipedia, “Heteroflexibility is a form of a sexual orientation or situational sexual behavior characterized by minimal homosexual activity despite a primarily heterosexual sexual orientation that is considered to distinguish it from bisexuality. It has been characterized as 'mostly straight.'”

Apart from being an appallingly written sentence this definition works for me, but let me explain a bit more.

My first sexual experience with another person was when I was about seven or nine-ish. The person was a girl, and I am sure I had no idea what we were doing was “sexual.” We were just in bed together naked and fumbling about a bit.

My first teenage naked sexual experience was with a female. I was about 17. Since then I have snogged women, made out with them, and had sex with them. Except for the odd snog and groping sessions all of my experiences with women have been exclusively for our own sexual pleasure and not with any influence from a third party (i.e. not for the male gaze).

I love to look at women, to fantasize about them, to play with them. I like breasts. I like waists. I like faces. I like bums. I like cunts. I enjoy how women feel against me. In fact, I have a very specific type. Without exception all of the women I have had sex with have been a few inches shorter than me, very pretty, with long dark brown or black hair (usually curly), and very voluptuous figures. They have all been overtly sexual and with very forceful personalities. And nerds. Yep, all of them have been geeks.

Why do I seem aggressively heterosexual then? I assume it is because this blog isn’t about my past sexual experiences. It is about my current sexual experiences and about my recent emotional relationships. Despite my somewhat needy desire for a female friend of mine who lives thousands of miles away from me, I am currently “female” free. I expect that this will remain so for the majority of my life. This is because I have never dated a female, I don’t know why. This is not to say that I won’t, at some point in the future, date a woman. About a decade ago I was besotted with a female friend of mine, and I would have loved to be her “girlfriend,” but she was very heterosexual.

I am no longer someone who has casual sexual encounters. This makes it unlikely that I will be writing about my sexual experiences with women in this blog. But, dear Reader, I hope this will counter, at least a little, any notion of my aggressive heterosexuality. If the right woman (cis, genderqueer, or trans) were to come along, I would not hesitate to embrace them in my heart and desire.