Friday, 7 December 2012

Bloghop: My Mind's Murky Murkdom

I was asked by the wonderful, intelligent, oh so sexy Flexibeast to join in the bloghop experience. It is a way to interview yourself on a topic of your choosing. Here is her "Bloghop" post, it is amusing and entertaining (but also, when you read between the lines, sad and poignant). It is a satire about becoming a woman for the fifth column of patriarchy. Please follow her on Twitter, she is a hoot!

So, here are my questions.

Most importantly: what is your favorite color?

Why did you start the blog?
The last session Nic and I had with our sex/poly/relationship therapist was a real eye-opener. The therapist made us realize that we don’t have to deal with our situation in the same way. I kept trying to get Nic to read blogs, books, and articles. I wanted him to come to meetings and join a community. None of that helped him; in fact, it made things worse. What we agreed was that we each need to live our lives in the way we want and it is only our joint lives where we need to work together. Thus, he spends time with monogamous, fairly heteronormative people; and I spend time with a whole variety of queer folk. One of the things I realized was that I also needed a kinky network. I needed to find a way to think about, write about, and explore my kinky side within the framework of my polyamory. This blog has been astounding for that!

Why the pseudonym Emily Daniel?
When I was in my last D/s relationship, Sir thought it a good idea that we use alternative names to try to distance ourselves when roleplaying. I thought it a ridiculous idea, and so it proved to be. The names we tried to use were Emily and Daniel (for reasons I will not share). They are also the names of a couple on the TV show Revenge. It is a show hubby and I watch religiously together. I like symmetry in life, and this seemed like a lovely form.

How would your blog and Twitter followers react if they knew your offline identity, specifically what work you do?
It would vary dramatically. Some would be amused, others fascinated, but others might be horrified. I am a professional person, largely self-employed, and I work for Not-For-Profit agencies.

How many people in your offline world know the blog?
My husband (Nic), our therapist, my former Sir (James or the "Daniel" in my pseudonym), and a very good friend (let’s call him Dan, who I hope will write a guest blog for me one day. He is a great chap and very interesting!). One female friend knows about the blog, we met first and at some stage decided to exchange offline identities too. Fabby sexy lady, but her identity would out both of us! Additionally, one person knows that I have a blog but does not have any of the details.

How would people in your offline world react to the blog, particularly its contents?
Again, the responses would vary. Friends who know me very well might be slightly embarrassed but wouldn’t be shocked. My in-laws would be disgusted and horrified and may well suggest my husband divorce me. My family would be grossed out, but not at all surprised. My professional colleagues would vary between black-listing me from employment, disgust, amusement, and indifference. Some of them might even find a new respect for me. I have often been called a “prude.” By all accounts I give off an innocent vibe until people get to know me.

Do you want to come-out?
The short answer is absolutely! If it were just me, I would scream my identity from the rooftops and join campaign groups (I’m big on community activities!), but this blog is about my husband and other persons I know. That would be terribly unfair on them, most especially my husband. At some point we might get found out, some unpleasant person may decide to out me for kicks. If/when that happens we will deal with the fallout. In the meantime I am increasingly telling people that I like women, am kinky, and so on. It takes time, patience, and resilience to deal with their reactions.

If you could make money from sex would you want to and if so, how?
I would quite like to write about sex and get paid for it, but there is little money in such an endeavor. There is, however, something I have been thinking seriously about for a while. I have been considering becoming a sex therapist. Having experienced appalling and astounding therapists, I would like to give something back. There needs to be more understanding sex-positive therapists who are accepting of diversity. Over the years many people have suggested I become a therapist, but it is only since my own positive experiences of therapy have I thought about it. This is something I shall consider over the next year or two. It would, however, require complete acceptance from my husband, especially as I would actively wish to work with people who have alternative relationship structures and who do not fit within Gayle Rubin's Charmed Circle. This requires more of an open lifestyle policy than we currently have.

Anything else you would like to add?
I am currently writing a short story/novella/novel (I will see where the muse takes me) about a priest and a young male criminal. Oh, how I love my Priest!kink (that exclamation mark, right there, is deliberate and part of a specific language tied to a very specific community. If you understand it, you will find out my main hobby in the whole wide world).

Now I pass the baton to Clive at Clive Journeys Into Kink. I love Clive, really, I have a (now not at all) secret crush. His posts are humorous, irreverant, and usually include willies and panties. "Willy Hunt" is one of my favorite posts of his. And, this is his Bloghop post "Not to be Published." As expected, it is FANTASTIC, and all about pink panties.


  1. Oh ho! I know what the exclamation mark after the Priest means ... I've been a long-time writer and reader myself, for about a decade now :)

    And given your experiences with sex therapy, I think it's great that you're considering becoming one! As you (probably?) know, I am in training currently to become a counsellor, and I think you're be utterly awersome.

    xx Dee

    1. Oooh! When worlds collide. I have been involved on and off for twenty years. I was very young when I started. I rarely "publish" mine but I am actively involved in other ways.

      I have seen that you are training, yes, I can only imagine how lucky your clients will be. My life decisions are either very spur of the moment or take a long time to mull over. The latter tend to be more successful, so who knows? Perhaps in three or four years I will be (training to be) a therapist. Thank you for your enthusiasm though! Maybe I should chat to my therapist and get her opinion.

  2. Oooooo Emily, a crush - my knees are wobbling and my cheeks are flushed but I am still now walking 6 feet tall :)
    Lots of crush back lol