One of my favorite things at the moment is Sinful Sunday. Many of you know it is a weekly meme where (sex) bloggers post a sexy photo or five. It is a lovely, confidence-building, empowering group. Bloggers comment on each other's posts and build a community. It is a happy experience.
Today's post is, for me, a sad one. Last week hubby vetoed a photo because there was a little glimpse of a nipple. I finally felt confident enough to show it (it was mostly hidden within a candy bra), but he didn't want me to.
This week I made a lovely, lovely post. It showed nothing I haven't shown before. But, I was fully dressed. Hubby was worried that if anyone who knows me saw the post, they would recognize me. I understand this, I really do. But it saddens me because I am not ashamed of who I am. I do not want to be in the "closet." I am because he wants and needs us to be. I understand that too. It is hard though. It is tiring. It makes me feel like I am something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I truly, truly understand his viewpoint, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.
It is not easy when you are with someone who has very different sexualities to yourself.
This is still Sinful Sunday, so have a somewhat anachronistic photo of my cleavage.
Edit: I should add that hubby and I have chatted about it. We are excellent communicators. But part of that communication is openly accepting how we feel. We all have to take responsibility for our own feelings and actions. My husband for his, and I mine. We both accept that we need to accept and acknowledge the feelings of each other, and we are both able to do this. Although, perhaps ironically, that also makes us sad because we do not like to see each other suffer. We are a strong couple with an enormous divide between us, one that is continually being pushed and challenged. It is tiring and exhausting for both of us.
For happier posts, pop over to Sinful Sunday to see some really sexy and daring photos.