Sunday, 16 December 2012

#Sad Sunday

One of my favorite things at the moment is Sinful Sunday. Many of you know it is a weekly meme where (sex) bloggers post a sexy photo or five. It is a lovely, confidence-building, empowering group. Bloggers comment on each other's posts and build a community. It is a happy experience.

Today's post is, for me, a sad one. Last week hubby vetoed a photo because there was a little glimpse of a nipple. I finally felt confident enough to show it (it was mostly hidden within a candy bra), but he didn't want me to.

This week I made a lovely, lovely post. It showed nothing I haven't shown before. But, I was fully dressed. Hubby was worried that if anyone who knows me saw the post, they would recognize me. I understand this, I really do. But it saddens me because I am not ashamed of who I am. I do not want to be in the "closet." I am because he wants and needs us to be. I understand that too. It is hard though. It is tiring. It makes me feel like I am something to be ashamed or embarrassed about. I truly, truly understand his viewpoint, but it doesn't make it hurt any less.

It is not easy when you are with someone who has very different sexualities to yourself.

This is still Sinful Sunday, so have a somewhat anachronistic photo of my cleavage.




Edit: I should add that hubby and I have chatted about it. We are excellent communicators. But part of that communication is openly accepting how we feel. We all have to take responsibility for our own feelings and actions. My husband for his, and I mine. We both accept that we need to accept and acknowledge the feelings of each other, and we are both able to do this. Although, perhaps ironically, that also makes us sad because we do not like to see each other suffer. We are a strong couple with an enormous divide between us, one that is continually being pushed and challenged. It is tiring and exhausting for both of us.



For happier posts, pop over to Sinful Sunday to see some really sexy and daring photos.

Sinful Sunday

29 comments:

  1. I can totally understand your sadness, yes #sinfulsunday is wonderful, it is a community, and I look forward to it each week.
    Because it is a community, you know that you are not alone, that you are "normal" whatever that means and that there is nothing wrong with wanting to delight in your sexuality and desires.

    Identification is a thorny issue, I choose to be anon, it is also necessary for Mr Jem and Carter due to the stigma towards alt sexuality and their work. I hope you can find some compromise that works for both of you, after all relationships must be give and take.

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  2. Oh btw, thats me, Jemima from its just a hobby, have trouble getting logged on with blogger other than from old google account :-)

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    1. I was wondering! I think the key phrase is indeed "give and take." There isn't really much compromise available when it comes to hubby and I, we have such different experiences and identities. We negotiate everything. I am lucky to be in such a fantastic relationship where that is possible. The giving and taking makes both of us a little sad though, no matter what "side" we happen to be on. Thank goodness this is the only flaw in our otherwise perfect relationship!

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  3. Oh sweetie, so sorry to hear this has made you to feel sad. I do understand your husband's concerns. And I do understand your sadness too. When I just started out with my blog, we have spoken about this a lot. Of course I would never put my face on my blog, but I have been on my blog with my tattoos, my hair, the clothes I wear, my rings... there are so many things that people who are close to me can recognize me from. We know that this can happen and we will deal with it IF it ever does. People who stumble across the blog and really look at it, clicking from post to post are on the blog for a reason and that reason might be to perv. That fact only means that they will not have the right to confront you with anything, or to judge you, because in effect they are here for the same reason that you are: something sexy, erotic... that is the way we think about it now.

    I hope the two of you can find a compromise in this so you can have more freedom to post some sexy photos, even if there are something in it that might make people recognize you.

    Hugs!
    Rebel xox

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    1. We just have to start being creative, but creative takes time, and that isn't something we have had a lot of lately. Bugger. I am very careful about not showing my wedding ring, it is very unusual (unique, I designed it and it was made by a specialist). When I get my tattoo (March/April I hope) I will be keeping that a secret too.

      I LOVE the fact that people who find out via the website itself have no right to judge. So very true, and not something I had previously thought of.

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  4. I fully understand you. A part of me wants to reveal myself and be proud of who I am--proud of my new found sensuality and love for my body and self, however, to be able to do so we must protect our identities... We have life beyond what we have now on our fingertips (I myself am a professional and I wouldn't want my license revoked because of this).

    Hiding our identities is not being shy and not being confident about being ourselves. i'd like to think, that the less I show, the more people see who I really am. It's like blindfolding the readers and heightening their senses in seeing beyond our faces.

    I wouldn't be surprised if someone I knew personally found out about my blog although I try my best to keep it a secret (I have posted a photo of me.. My living room.. my room etc... I know.. stupid. Won't be hard to give me a face and an identity). I would be happy if that "someone" would confront me and talk to me about everything in the blog.

    Thank you for this wonderful photo and preview on who you really are :) *winks*

    luise

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    1. I am known among my friends and family as being a bit of a WYSIWIG (what you see is what you get). I don't feel comfortable not being open and honest with people, it feels like I am cheating myself.

      I do understand the need to remain incognito, but it chafes.

      The idea that the kind of photo you take is a glimpse into who you are is a good one though. I think my photos have all shown something of that nature. This cleavage shot is, I think, tastelss. It was my way of saying "fuck it." So, I suppose, it was a glimpse into who I am - certainly my mood at the time.

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  5. I completely understand. My husband has little idea what I do since he lost all interest in bedroom activities four years ago. I finally had to make my own way, but it was not without a lot of heartache.

    ~Kazi xxx

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    1. Your blog is amazing considering how much you need to do by yourself. I am always astounded by your creativity. Perhaps I should use you for more inspiration!

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  6. It is a tough one for sure. I am very lucky that I am not in a position to have to worry about employers finding my blog but when I started off way back when I was very careful to not post images that showed my face but as time has gone on and I have made more and more real life friends who are involved in all areas of the erotic creative industry I have realised that it is a fairly futile task and so I have slowly unmasked myself.

    I do have my children to consider and I know there will come a day when I will have to help them understand the choices I have made but I am not scared of that day I am just hopeful that I do a good job with it.

    Mollyxxx

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    1. One of your great strengths, at least online, is your honesty and your talent. I am sure the combination of factors will ensure that your children react kindly, in the long term if not the short term. I wish you the best of luck with it!

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  7. Several years ago, there was a weekly meme called Half-Nekkid Thursday, or HNT. When it started 6 or 7 years ago, it was about anything but nudity, rarely saw a bare breast, naked ass, and definitely not cock or pussy. Still, it was very sexy and in many ways it's more of a creative challenge to find ways to share images of yourself without *just* showing your tits.

    Now, while I'm a guy and therefore I'd like to see your tits, what I'm saying is, embrace the challenge of finding ways to sensually display yourself without crossing your husbands boundaries.

    Best wishes to you and your hubby as your continue to talk and find that middle ground where both of you are happy.

    Oh, and nice cleavage, it's very nice to see you :-)

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    1. I must admit, I agree to a certain extent. I often find the shots of ass/boobs/genitalia a little overwhelming. I prefer to see them in artistic, interesting or unusual situations.

      I will embrace the challenge, and thank you for the complement.

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  8. Just ... *hugs* Communication is the glue that holds relationships together, and you've got that. And hugs!

    xx Dee

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  9. I'm sorry to hear about your tough situation, and I hope you two continue to communicate and work things out; sending you hugs as well,
    xxPenny

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  10. It's difficult, it took me awhile to admit that I was a sex blogger, and that I wanted to work as a sex educator or teacher. Most of my friends thought it was cool, but my family thought I was insane.

    While I don't really have to worry too much about posting pictures of my face, I like the air of excitement and mystery. Try and think of the positive and fun sides to that, if you can =)

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    1. Thank you. I don't intend on posting my face, or even close-ups of much of me. It is the balance between being covered and not showing anything recognizable (house, clothes, location etc), that is a challenge. I will take it on though!

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  11. Aw I'm sorry you're sad. You do have a truely amazig bosom! My boyfriend doesn't like me taking part, he thinks that my body should be for him only. Yet I somehow managed to persuade him these last two weeks. It's a tricky one. You have a gorgeous body and you're right to be proud

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    1. Thank you for the complements!

      Well done on persuading your boyfriend for taking part. That was surprisingly easy for hubby to accept, much less the content.

      I'm considerably less sad now, all of the comments are so very helpful.

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  12. Very sexy cleavage! I am relatively new to Sinful Sunday, and am having tons of fun with it. I feel lucky to be able to post fully nude photos of myself, because I enjoy it and I know that not everyone is able to expose themselves in that way. However, there are many ways to feel sexy and liberated and intimate without showing nipples, and I think you've shown that in this post. You are a sexy, beautiful woman exposing yourself, your feelings, and the trust and communication of your relationship, even if it's difficult sometimes.

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    1. Thank you for the complements. I often forget that some bloggers aren't quite as honest about exposing their inner thoughts as I am. That is certainly a form of empowerment I had forgotten that I had. The fact that I am able to share these thoughts and that hubby welcomes me blogging about them is far more valuable than being able to show a nipple. Your words have helped a great deal.

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  13. Not only do I want to echo the comments above, I want to commend you both for having the strength to not only take this journey, but to do it together. That takes a lot of courage. *hugs* I am very happy to have you as part of our community here, naked or not.

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    1. Awwww, *smooshy feelings*

      That is such a lovely thing to say, thank you with sugar on top *hugs*

      Also, very many thanks for helping me to remember the strength it takes to embark on this with my husband rather than trying to do it alone or to keep it secret. I am lucky I am in a position to do that.

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  14. Oh I do so know where you are coming from Emily!! - Mrs. Clive and I have totally different viewpoints on sex and kink and (for risk of hurt) my particular oddities remain an unhealthy secret. But we love each other to bits and that is what really counts! Don't be sad - look for the humour in everything (there is always so much) and keep smiling. If hubby censores the images - so be it, we all have romping imaginations anyway and I am sure I am not alone in having just mentally unclothed that image :)

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    1. Ever lovely Clive, it is hard isn't it! It took me about 9 years before I was finally able to address the kink (the polyamory came before that). Sex had always been such a problem for us, and hubby knew I liked more than him, but it took forever before he I could share how much more. It needed to be the right time for both of us to be able to handle. For some that time never comes, for others it comes earlier or later. I hope it comes for you, but if it doesn't, I am happy you have such a strong love for each other.

      Please do mentally unclothe me, I love the the thought!

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