Tuesday, 4 September 2012

Sticking With Bad Sex

Apparently, waiting before you have sex with someone is good for the longevity of a relationship. For me, at least, this is true. The husband and I deliberately waited for our STD tests to come back clear so our first time could be bareback. By the time we had sex I already wanted to marry him. Had we hit the sack as quickly as I did with all my other relationships we would have been over before we begun.

When you are a highly sexual person, life with a mismatched sexual partner is horrific. Plain and simple. I like kinks. He is vanilla. I have an insanely high sex drive (at my peak I was fucking three times a day every day… not healthy I suspect). He had virtually none. At one point we went without sex for two years!

After about six years of struggling through together, we went to a sex therapist … maybe 15 times in two years. That was a disaster. Then I cheated. That was a disaster. But it woke me up to a million different things all at the same time. More than that, it woke him up. We had the best sex we had ever had when I told him about that one-night affair. He was claiming me. We also changed our therapist. After one session with the new one, Nic’s whole attitude to sex was different. Six sessions later and we were having fun sex at least once a week. (Lesson: Choose the right therapist!)

The real change happened when we opened our marriage and I had my first longish term poly play-partner. As part of the negotiations for me to have a relationship with him, I had to share some basic information. Not much, just enough to give him an idea of what I would be doing with another man. The information I shared with him, and the resulting communication about how much kinks turned me on, changed everything. Nic and I had sex four times last week! He even spanked me to the point of orgasm. After ten years the sex is better than ever and we are enjoying each other in the physical as well as emotional, social, and spiritual sense. I’m glad we waited to have sex, because if we hadn’t I might have had a lot of fantastic sex but I would have missed out on having ten years with my wonderful man. May there be many more!

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