Thursday, 18 October 2012

Personal Polyamory Manifesto

Yesterday's post was about bringing closure to my first official Poly relationship. I received many wonderful comments from readers. But one, by Stella's Kink, highlighted the significance of the experience for me as a poly person. Stella's Kink wrote:

"A tough situation to be in, but one you will surely learn from and look back on with fondness as you remember your first partner in your poly marriage. Regardless the pain it initially caused, it is an experience you will be the better for having. <>"

This inspired me to postpone my "Vaginal Orgasm" post and publish this, my "Personal Polyamory Manifesto". I wrote it during one of my darker periods within that first relationship. It helped me realize what I wanted from a poly relationship. It has been helpful to remember. Of course, it is something to strive for and not something to stick to rigidly, but by striving for it I can keep myself, my husband and my other partner/s safe.

The point of being poly is, for me, freedom to be able to follow my heart and, to an extent, explore my kinks in a safe space. It is not about deliberately finding sexual partners or deliberately looking for someone else, but about being able to embrace possibilities and be myself. I hope that comes across in my manifesto.

I Want
To be happy
For my loved ones to be happy
Not to have casual, random sex
Strong emotional bonds and friendships
Open, honest, direct, and explicit communication using “I” statements
To be free to love whom I love, how I want to love them
For my husband and my “partner/s” to feel safe
To feel safe
The opportunity to love and fulfill the needs of my " partner /s"
There to be an opportunity for my " partner /s" to become part of my family, if we all wish it
For my husband and my “partner /s” to become acquainted
Mutual respect
To be emotionally, physically, spiritually fulfilled
For my partner/s to be emotionally, physically, spiritually fulfilled
The opportunity for my “partner/s” to be involved in my life and to know my family and friends
I want ground rules

Ground Rules
Be honest to yourself
Be honest to everyone involved
Communicate, Communicate, Communicate
My husband and I will continue to live together and share our love, lives, and finances
Going out with others will be planned and scheduled
I don't want to know the details of a sexual experience, but I would want to know if one occurred, I would give the same respect
Practice safer sex
If a relationship ends it is not to be because it has been “vetoed.” If a relationship ends it should be because the relationship has run its natural course
Try to meet the “partner/s” of my partner/s
Keep everyone informed, discuss, and communicate changes in relationship situations and feelings
Be aware of and cautious of New Relationship Energy, do not make hasty judgments based on it

I am new to the life of polyamory and my manifesto will no doubt change as I change, but for now I think this works.

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